The Candidate Speaks

"Love to eat them Bushies/Bushies what I love to eat/Bite off their little heads/Nibble on their little feet." Sorry. Couldn't help myself. The Democrats won! The Democrats won! Yippee!

But what actually do we have to celebrate? Not much. Sure, some of the bums got tossed. (The defeats of Pombo and Santorum are particularly sweet.) But will it matter? A year from now, or two, when we look back, will we still believe this election changed anything? I doubt it.

Even the Democrats don't expect much from their victory. "House Democratic leaders have already indicated that they will not cut off financing for the war; in many ways, their greatest power will be their ability to investigate, hold hearings and provide the oversight that they asserted was so lacking in recent years." Big deal. And their professed willingness to allow the war to continue, when it could be stopped, is appalling.

Already, then, what is most illuminated by this election is the profound gap between what is and what could be. Between what is and what should be.

And what should be? What should Democrats do, when they're not too busy holding hearings? Well, I'll tell you. They should lead us back to the basics. No, not that wussy "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" stuff. Sacre bleu! The George LeChat basics: liberty, equality, fraternity, and reciprocity!

Liberty should be easy. Civil liberties are us. We have nothing else to show the world, and no other weapon to defend ourselves. Restore habeas corpus. Repudiate the Patriot Act and all its evil ilk. More important, recognize that stuff for what it is: a means to control, not protect, us.

Equality might be a little more difficult. Politicians are, by nature, craven slimeballs. (I refer, of course, to other politicians.) Before anything can be accomplished, it will be necessary to limit the influence of the entrenched upon them. How? Strict public finance of everything political. If you're a candidate for president, you get $10 million to spend on your campaign. No more. Spend a penny extra, you're disqualified. And equal time for all. Get money out of politics; make every vote count the same.

Next, let's agree that democracy doesn't work very well when economic disparities are too extreme. (If we're not there now, we will be soon; just look at the data on distribution of wealth.) No one needs $100 million a year. Everyone needs $50,000. A truly progressive tax code could go a long way toward accomplishing this. Just think: if the pursuit of wealth were impractical, the pursuit of happiness might get interesting.

Fraternity shouldn't be too hard. We can afford to be generous. If people are willing to suffer to come here, let's make them citizens, not send them home. Nobody should sleep on the street who doesn't want to. And let's declare victory in the war on drugs and move on to something important. Like the war on ignorance.

Speaking of war, what about foreign policy? That's where reciprocity comes in; it's foreign policy in a word. Before we take any action, before we implement any policy, just ask: would we tolerate that policy if it were imposed on us? Would we welcome it? Simple. (Downright biblical, really, for all you Christians out there, but more, you know, that new testament.)

There they are: the George LeChat basics. But I guess you can't please everyone. Even my "handler" is muttering. "You topian," I think I heard him say. Well, my fellow Americans, allow me to assure you that I am not and never have been a topian. I was a Democrat, once, but that was back when I still believed they might accomplish something. Sure, Democrats may be better than Republicans. Just as cancer might be better than polio. (Thanks, Mick.) Me, I don't want either of them.